How Can I Find the Right Therapist For Me?

Once you’ve decided to go for therapy, the next step is finding the right person, someone who really understands you and makes you feel safe.. That can feel like looking for a needle in a haystack! The search can leave you feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, and therapy isn’t cheap, this is a real investment in your future after all. 

There is so much jargon, so many letters after a therapist’s name, or a list of qualifications as long as your arm – what does it all mean? And what matters most? 

It might help to know that, according to most research, it’s the relationship between client and therapist that matters most, not their modality, qualifications or experience. So, when you are looking, think about what you need, what kind of person you get on with, and take up offers of a free consultation. This short introductory meeting is not the start of therapy, more a friendly chat, the chance for you to see if you like the therapist and get a feel for how they work.  

Remember, it’s not usual for therapists to have google reviews or recommendations, as most client work is confidential, so don’t rely on reviews or testimonials in your decision-making process. There might be an issue with family or friend recommendations too. Some therapists won’t work with you if your friend, sibling or work colleague is still seeing them, as there can be a conflict of interest, or difficulties maintaining confidentiality.

So, what do these modalities (types of therapy) mean? There are way too many to list here, but you might see listed in a therapist’s profile: 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) - aims to challenge the way you think and what you do as a result. The focus tends to be on current problems and patterns of behaviour, and agreeing practical solutions. It can help with depression, anxiety, stress, phobias, pain management and more. 

 Emotionally Focused Therapy - can help you to create and maintain secure, resilient relationships. Therapists help you to understand what’s going on underneath your emotions, to deal with any insecurities and resolve difficult experiences. 

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) - can be effective in resolving traumatic experiences and is often used in treating PTSD. EMDR is thought to mimic the state we enter during REM sleep, enabling us to quickly make new associations in the brain, to process distressing memories. 

Humanistic or Person-centred Therapy - takes the view that everyone has the capacity for personal growth and change, given the right support and conditions. Therapists are generally not directive but offer validation, warmth and empathy to help you resolve negative life experiences and thoughts; this can help you to move forwards with a better understanding of yourself and others. 

Internal Family Systems - works on the basis that we all have different parts of our minds, the ability to think conflicting thoughts or perspectives. By working with individual parts of your mind, you can identify where self-destructive beliefs, or traumatic experiences have come from and help to heal them. This approach uses inner child work and can be very healing for childhood abuse or emotional neglect. 

Pluralistic or Integrative Therapy - means that the therapist will use a range of therapies to support your individual needs. Many therapists will have a core modality, such as person-centred or psychodynamic, but will add in EMDR, focusing or another therapy, that is tailored to your needs.   This is how I work as a therapist, being humanistic at my heart, but using tools like Emotional Freedom Technique and Internal Family Systems for traumatic memories.

Psychoanalysis/ Psychodynamic Therapy - based on the work of Freud, this therapy believes that many of our issues stem from our unconscious mind. Clients are encouraged to explore relationships from childhood onwards, but psychodynamic therapy tends to focus more on present issues, to provide a quicker solution. 

Solution-focused Brief Therapy - promotes positive change, rather than dwelling on the past. With the therapist, you focus on what you do well, set goals and decide how to achieve them. Change can happen in as little as two to three sessions but might not be enough to resolve issues like childhood trauma or PTSD. 

Transactional Analysis (TA) - uses aspects of humanistic, cognitive-behavioural and psychodynamic theories. It uses three states of mind, Parent, Adult and Child, to understand how you interact with the world. It can help to identify unhelpful patterns of behaviour in yourself or others, to support you in managing healthier relationships. 

What Happens in My First Therapy Session? 

It’s normal to feel nervous or anxious before your first session, but the therapist should help you to feel comfortable and at ease. In the first few sessions, we might ask a lot of questions, about your reasons for coming to therapy, what you want to achieve in the work, what worries you most and so on. We might ask you about your family and friends, the people who are important to you – this can give us a good sense of what support you have around you. 

Here are a few practical tips:

• If you are early, you will probably need to wait – there might be another client in the therapy room or in their online session.  

• If you are seeing the therapist face to face, we normally provide tissues and water (and we expect them to be used – crying is not a problem!).  Bringing your own drink is great too - talking can be thirsty work!

• Ask where the toilet is, and don’t be afraid to ask to use it 😊. 

• The session is normally 50- 60 minutes. If you are late for any reason, that’s OK, but we won’t be able to extend the slot, as other clients might be waiting.

• We will usually ask to see you weekly, so we can really build our relationship and start to work on your problems together. Some therapists are happy to provide fortnightly sessions after a certain period of time - but bear in mind that while fortnightly sessions suit a lot of people for logistical reasons, it can mean that the work takes much longer overall.

  This is just a short introduction to choosing your therapist, but I hope it has helped to reduce some of the overwhelm you might feel in taking this step.  Maybe I could be the right therapist for you? If you are curious about working with me, click here to book a free 20-minute, no obligation discussion.