Embracing JOMO in 2026 – the Joy of Missing Out!
Do you feel the pressure to be always available for friends and family? Do you go to parties and events that you would rather avoid? How would it feel for you, to step back and ‘be selfish’ for a change?
I’ve just had the quietest Christmas and New Year ever; I got COVID in December and as usual, it wiped me out for weeks - then I found myself alone at Christmas for the first time, and to be honest, it was a revelation in JOMO – the joy of missing out!
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, JOMO is defined as:
“Joy experienced when not attending events to which one has been invited.” (www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/JOMO)
I had choices, I could have spent the day with family, but I recognised an overwhelming need for rest, and had almost lost my voice thanks to the virus, so alone-time was needed. On Christmas Eve I wandered the shops casually without any stress and chose a ‘Finest’ meal for the next day. Around me were couples and families bickering, babies crying and frantic phone calls when the last turkey or seafood platter had gone. I felt pleasantly detached from it all, and wondered if I was being smug, would I regret being alone on the big day? But the regret never came, I got up, had a lazy shower, dropped a few presents off and then went for a long walk in the cold sunshine. Later, I ate my oven-ready dinner, watched “It’s a Wonderful Life”, read a bit, pottered around, went to bed early, and slept like a log!
Image shows a person sitting alone, watching the sunset over the hills
Growing older and finding out what works for me, has made me less sociable, and that’s ok. In our teens and twenties, especially with everyone on social media ‘living their best lives’, it can feel like we are failing if we aren’t running headlong at every opportunity. A relentless busy-ness can be driven by FOMO, the Fear of Missing Out; it can really feel like you are failing at life. In my sessions with clients, these questions come up frequently – why does everyone else seem to be having this charmed life? Why are my friends posting on Insta and TikTok without me there? Why wasn’t I invited? It can lead to feelings of rejection, of not being ‘good enough’, and can worsen people pleasing issues, to ensure you stay part of ‘the gang’. Even when you know rationally that people only share their happiest moments online, just seeing those images can lead to anxiety, negative self-esteem and poor self-confidence.
In our sessions we can focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and self-confidence, healing that hurt and rejection, and discovering what actually makes you happy. Working on your personal needs and boundaries, remembering what used to inspire you and warm your heart, can be life changing. When a client realises they don’t want to just ‘fit in’ anymore, that some friendships take more than they give, they often turn their focus to activities that better support their emotional and mental well-being.
This all sounds amazing, doesn’t it? Like waving a magic wand and suddenly you are happy, and content in your own company. In reality, this takes time and practice. Learning to tolerate stillness and quiet, learning to like yourself as a person, is hard work, but it can build a real authenticity, resilience and self-connection.
As well as working with a therapist, mindful activities can help, whether it’s journalling, photography, playing an instrument, going for a long walk or listening to a meditation track. Once, newly divorced and alone on holiday for a few days, I forced myself to go and sit alone in a restaurant each evening, despite feeling very exposed and pitied. With each meal my confidence grew, and I started to enjoy that alone time, really focused on the food I was eating, and did a bit of ‘people watching’ in the process!
This process does take time – change doesn’t happen overnight. So, if you want to work towards ‘JOMO’, where do you start? Perhaps you can start with an intention each week to do some of the following:
Focus on better boundaries – does this event meet my own needs or am I obeying others’ expectations?
Journalling can help – write down what you fear missing out on and why? How might peace and quiet help you to recharge or regain your calm?
Pay attention to your body – if saying yes to something leaves you with raging anxiety, a headache or churning stomach, what does that mean?
Practice saying ‘no’ - keep it short and simple, “I’m sorry, but I can’t this time”, or “I simply can’t tonight, another day maybe”. This blog lists 50 ways of saying no politely – challenge yourself to try one or two of them!
As part of this journey, my clients often set themselves a goal, to spend time alone doing something they have neglected, or had set aside years ago as ‘childish’. They might choose to go to an art gallery alone, wander for an hour in peace and quiet, then grab a coffee and cake. They might join an exercise class, despite feeling like ‘the new kid’ and end up finding friends as a result. They might go to the cinema or theatre alone for the first time and find themselves immersed instead of distracted. It’s almost never as scary or as lonely as they thought – we can feel ‘connected’ in a crowd sometimes, even though we don’t know everyone.
It’s important to say that ‘JOMO’ isn’t about closing yourself off from the world and becoming a hermit. But it can be a great way to find emotional autonomy, to discover contentment in your own company, and get to know yourself without all the ‘people pleasing’ behaviours. Just slowing down, choosing rest and solitude can be truly healing.
If you are interested in learning more about the power of solitude, this book is worth a read/ listen: Solitude: The Science and Power of Being Alone
If you’ve read this far and this resonates with you, maybe I can support you through your own therapy? If you are curious about working with me, click here to book a free 20-minute, no obligation discussion.